As I continue this adventure known as running non-profits which are the culmination of many years of dreaming, tons of tears, incredible hard work, and quite often feeling like it would be easier to quit, I am more and more aware of how small things can really be big things. We live in a critical society - rife with negativity and disillusion. And sometimes, it feels like those who would want to discourage us have a louder and more persistent voice than those who believe in the vision and are part of our successes.

But, again and again things happen that seem small at the time, but are really quite big. They come in many different forms of encouragement and good cheer. An unexpected email, text, or message on Facebook sharing how the Torch has touched a life can bring sunshine and refreshing hope which enables us to continue moving forward. 

Sometimes, it's the smile of recognition on the faces of strangers in a crowd, or overhearing people say, "Those are the Torch ladies", or a phone call from a friend just to ask how I'm doing - that turn my doubts and fears and fatigue into hope and strength and energy. They seem like such small gestures; it doesn't take long to send someone a text or a message, but, in the end, they are the big things. They are the things that matter the most because their affect is profound. 

The positive influence we have over the lives of those around us can truly lift them. It's unfortunate we are often quicker to pass judgment, give advice, and insult others than we are to give the benefit of the doubt, listen, and show them love. The small positive gestures we make can change the world for the people around us. 

If we can learn to really treat others the way we want them to treat us, we might actually be the reason someone else keeps going, doesn't give up, and achieves his or her dreams.

​It's all about compassion and love - they make the small things the big things. 

I remember when I was homeless.

I remember how I felt hollow and afraid all the time.

I remember sitting at the lake, tears streaming, as I tried to imagine a future I couldn't see.

I remember feeling embarrassed and humiliated when I had to ask for help, and the people who were supposed to be there to help me were scornful and sarcastic.

I remember people in my life who offered support, but did it by telling everyone about my situation and gathering things for me. Things I had nowhere to put, and felt ungrateful for their help - and that made me feel like a jerk.

I remember how frustrating it was to be told that McDonald's and Kroger and everywhere else was hiring. As if I wasn't desperately seeking employment that would support myself and my daughter.

I remember going to interviews and falling into uncontrollable sobs in my car as I drove away, because I knew, I sensed, I had not done my best. I was so exhausted from being homeless.

I remember feeling worthless and ashamed as I showed my pay stub as proof I really needed help.

I remember driving by other people's houses at night and seeing their lights through the windows. I remember wondering if I would ever again have a home. 

I remember reading posts on Facebook slamming people who used food stamps, and I remember deleting from my "Friends" list everyone who would fan those judgmental flames. 

I remember looking at my last $20, and trying to calculate how much gas I needed to get to my tutoring job, and how much money would be left to buy some groceries. 

I remember feeling my self esteem slowly slip away.

I remember how it felt to longer believe I was a valuable member of society. Instead, I was a burden and a drag. 

I remember being told there was a rumor going around that my daughter and I were faking homelessness - and how on top of trying to keep our heads up and being strong for her, I had to defend against those accusations. 

I remember. I embrace those memories, because they gave me insight into the human condition and deepened my compassion and ability to understand. Sometimes, I cry when I remember, but then I also remember there was light at the end of the tunnel. There was and is hope. 

​I always remember. 

I cannot imagine what it must be like to grow up in a society such as we have today. When I was growing up I had no idea what most people thought about most topics in life. I didn't know who liked whom or who did what to whom - beyond my little circle of friends. I can't imagine what it must be like to be so vicariously involved in the lives of not only our closest friends - but also in the lives of their friends and families and acquaintances. Social media can be used for a lot of good things - it certainly has helped us get the word out about the Torch and 180 - but it can also be the tracks upon which the high speed gossip train goes careening down. Look out whatever, or whomever stands in the way - because you might be destroyed.

I recently read a news story about individuals in need who stand on the side of the road holding signs asking for money. The comments that accompanied the story were strongly opinionated and vocally opposed to those who do that. The idea that people who are asking for money at the side of the road are actually incredibly rich and are con artists was purported again and again. Lots of judgment was cast on those individuals. I couldn't help thinking that we are very comfortable jumping on the social media bandwagon and judging and criticizing other people's lives - even when we don't know them or actually know one thing about them. That makes me sad, because inevitably, there is more to the story than we know.

Recently, a friend of mine had an incident where a practical joke her son played spiraled into a police incident and a very terrified son. She was devastated and upset with his lack of wisdom and lack of foresight in choosing the joke he played, but he is a very young teenage boy - and no parent can predict every possible mistake his/her kids might make and teach them not to make them. It isn't possible.

When his incident began to get posted on social media and the comments began, they were often hyper-critical of his parents and his behavior. My friend is already dealing with helping a young boy face up to a serious mistake - and she commented that when she reads peoples' hateful comments about her family, "it is absolutely killing me".

Those are powerful words. It is killing her inside when she is already dealing with a difficult and painful life situation. And the people making the comments don't know her, or her situation, or her son. or her family. But they do know how to judge and critique. Sure, she can ignore them, but that is far easier said than done. People can also stop making negative judgments about others - that is pretty easily done. 

I think about the MANY stupid decisions I made and ridiculous things I tried as a young person, and am so thankful I didn't grow up in a time when people could spread gossip so quickly, frame it as they pleased, and allow others to join in as they verbally crucified whatever they didn't approve of.

I feel like, as a society of vulnerable human beings, maybe we need to look at what we are allowing social media to turn us into. What happened to compassion? What happened to understanding? What happened to the benefit of the doubt? How about second chances - and learning from mistakes? My goodness, we can't possibly know what other people are going through - and our words can destroy. And we have no idea how quickly we could be on the other side of that fence, so we might just want to withhold our comments and judgment.

We need to use social media to build up and encourage the people around us, not join in the chorus of criticism and negativity that abounds.

​How can anyone be human in a society where it isn't okay to be different or to make mistakes? 



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As another season of food trucking commences, I can't help but think back on all the things we have done at the Torch in just these past few short years. I give the credit to God, Who has given us wisdom, stamina and hope that guides us every single day. We have awesome volunteers who always step in just when we need them the most! What a blessing it is to re-count these memories:

April, 2013 - We got a truck!
January, 2014 - We got a food license!
April, 2014 - Our first fundraising event at The Shop in Fowlerville was a rousing success! We still have an awesome relationship with them and look forward to more events in the future!
May, 2014 - We made our first food run!
August, 2014 - We had our first Back-to-School event!
November, 2014 - Howell Community Theater had a "Hunger Heroes" food drive for us! They stocked our pantry full!
November, 2014 - We began a winter free meal service at the Howell Bennett Recreation Center.
January, 2015 - We launched our 180 project!
April, 2015 - Howell High School's Interact Club held a 5K "Glow" run to benefit the Torch.
June, 2015 - We held a "Carnival for a Cause" event.
June, 2015 - We served our 5,000th free meal!
August, 2015 -  Our second Back-to-School event!
September, 2015 - We served over 10,000 free meals.

And there are a million memories within each of those! What a great feeling it gives me to be part of such an organization.

We were told it would never work. We have often been told our events won't work. And yet, here we are - and here we come! Thank you for being part of this wonderful adventure with us!