We are relational beings, and as we go through life we continuously enter into and out of relationships. Our earliest years of life shape our personalities and mold our ability to trust or not trust, and discern or not discern whether the people who come into our lives are good for us or not. Depending on what we learned about relationships, we either keep people in our lives, or move them out. Sometimes, the ability is warped or not well-formed, and we have to experience pain in order to learn what is good for us.
One of the most difficult experiences in life can be the ending of a relationship. There have been times when I had people in my life, and I did not believe it would be possible for me to live if they were no longer there. I marvel at how that really isn't true. Sometimes, we have to admit that someone is just bad for us, and we have to move on.
I have been in that situation and, if I felt particularly close to the individual, or dependent on him or her, ending the relationship could be incredibly painful. It is possible to be so close to a situation we cannot see how it harms us. When I reflect on my life and the people who have come and gone, I realize how much I have grown, And I think about how all the relationships of my life have helped me to grow and change. Even unhealthy relationships are part of the mosaic of my past. I am stronger because of them. I am more independent because of them. I know me better because of them.
I used to be ashamed of my seeming inability to develop healthy relationships, but not anymore. I embrace those learning experiences as much as I embrace the people who have lasted and stayed in my life. I now know a lot about how I choose friends, and how much of myself I will give away. I respect me. I realize that I am an infinitely valuable person who deserves healthy relationships - and all the other human beings I meet deserve the same. So, I have to be healthy; I have to know me; I have to set boundaries.
We all do. Hearts are precious and delicate and they can break. People can break. Relationships can threaten to break us. We matter too much to let that happen. Not everyone is meant to be in your or my life forever.
Sometimes, I just have to let go and face the pain of the end of a relationship, but always, in the back of my mind I remember that on the other side of the pain is a stronger, healthier me. I deserve to be healthy. The people I am close to deserve for me to be healthy. The same goes for you.